So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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