3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
