cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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