I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
