is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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