I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
