why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
