the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
