we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
