We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
