Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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