i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
