Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize