Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
