We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
