The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
