I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
