If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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