I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
