Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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