Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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