At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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