god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
