Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
