I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
