Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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