the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
