She's JV to your varsity
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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