Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
