I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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