My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*