Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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