I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.