he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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