the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Less talking, more tequila
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need moral support for this bender
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
