My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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