Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
