I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
