im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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