Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the condom got lost in my hair
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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