I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
