I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
