There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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