i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
