Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
