I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
