I understand why you refuse to be sober now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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