somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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