i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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