Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
