my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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