you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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