Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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