Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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