If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
