I heard we made out
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
