We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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