I can't breathe out the right side of my face
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
