ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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