Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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