Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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