I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
