I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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