Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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